This Election Day, there can be only ONE choice:
VOTE MISTRESS
Mistress's opponent is for big business, industry pollution, shipping our jobs overseas, taking candy from children & kicking pregnant women.
MISTRESS is for spankings, corporal punishment, domination & humiliation, body worship & buffalo wings for all.
MISTRESS's opponent is a wall street insider commie fag homophobic warmongering soft on terrorism junkie who watches reality TV shows.
MISTRESS is for mom, apple pie, unabashed hedonism, freedom for all except those she enslaves, recreational drugs on demand.
And puppies.
MISTRESS's opponent kicks puppies. And small children.
MISTRESS's opponent shot a man in Reno just to watch him die. He steals from the give-a-penny/take-a-penny jar. And listens to Air Supply.
MISTRESS is for health care for all, raising the minimum wage/standards of living, really good ice cream & finding the perfect pair of shoes.
MISTRESS plans to safeguard our national defense by installing ninja pirate Chuck Norris giant robots on our borders.
MISTRESS's opponent can see Russia right outside the window. But lives in Jersey.
MISTRESS's opponent thinks 47% of the people are freeloaders who believe in socialist concepts like being entitled to food, medicine, staying alive.
MISTRESS thinks 100% of the people would be happier if they just shut up and did whatever she commanded.
MISTRESS is for clean energy, saving the planet, getting massages and getting us all jetpacks & flying cars because its 2012 damnit and its LONG overdue.
MISTRESS's opponent wants us all to live like the Amish.
MISTRESS is for human rights and civil liberties. Unless you disobey her, in which case she is a staunch supporter of law & order.
And CBT.
MISTRESS's opponent wishes you all to be wage-slaves for the rest of your life without retirement. And eats babies. Raw.
Without ketchup.
MISTRESS is for well-deserved leisure time after her slave's hard labors.
Who here can forget Her stirring words, "Ask not what Mistress can do for you, ask what you can do for your Mistress!"
VOTE MISTRESS.
Or you'll be sorry.
